Every relationship goes through phases, whether you define them or not.  But since we're talking about courtship, and so much or courtship rests on the practice of good communication, I think it would be a good thing to continually define what phase your courtship is in.
    We borrowed our Four Phases from a couple who courted before us.  You'll find that, within a circle of peers or a church, the phases will be laid out fairly alike.  You don't have to use our phases.  You don't have to have four. You can have five, but I wouldn't recommend going less than three.

Phase #1
    Building friendships with family and each other.
        If you aren't friends yet, now is a good time to become friends.  Sound's funny, doesn't it?  Think about your normal friendships.  You have fun together!  You see each other's dirty cars.  You work on projects together and hang out with your circle of friends.  You don't go around making googly eyes and sending love notes to each other.  You're pals.  No mush mush.  Sometimes you accompany your friend to his parents' house (and the family tries to hook you up together).  You talk to her sister and challenge her brothers to a game of Super Mario Bros.  (and of course, you win).  Friendship with family and each other is just casual, old fashioned friendship.
        Your situation might be like mine and Sonny's.  You've already been friends for a long time.  But I also know a couple, now happily married, who met at a summer conference, heard the voice of God concerning each other (but didn't tell each other), went back to their own homes (800 miles apart), the guy called the lady's dad up and initiated a courtship over the phone.  I'd say they spent a lot of time in phase #1.
    Sonny and I didn't necessarily park in phase #1 as much as we just continued in it, even to this day.

Phase #2
    Honesty.  Revealing character and building trust.
        This is when you take your friendship and quit masking your yucky side around your friend (revealing character).  This is most effectively done while allowing your friend to observe you interacting with your family.  After all, your family knows all your yucky sides- even if they don't exist anymore.  Sometimes you just outright tell your friend, "I can be a really self-centered person.  One time I..."  This is an early stage of opening up your heart; oh, but just a tiny bit.

Phase #3
    Real Honesty.  (i.e. Deep Stuff)
        Upon entering this phase, you should have a good amount of confidence in your relationship.  By now you can begin to trust each other with more personal information about yourselves without crossing an intimacy line.  This is a good time to share things that you would normally only share with really close friends.  Before I shared some Deep Stuff with Sonny at this phase, I would always ask myself this question, "If we don't get married and just remain good friends, do I really want him to know this about me?"  If you can say yes, then it should be safe.  If you answer no, then it's probably too intimate to share.

Phase #4
    Engagement.
        Just because you got engaged doesn't give you the license to quit courting.  There is still so much more to learn about each other.  Engagement was an entirely different season for Sonny and me.  Up until Sonny proposed, there was no exchange of verbal affection, physical contact or talk of the future (except for scenarios such as, "could you see yourself being a mom," etc.)  Sonny said "I love you" for the first time when he proposed.  We shared our first big hug.  We eased into "I love you's", sitting close to each other, and hand holding gradually over two months of our engagement.  We saved all of our romance for the engagement period.  Because of this, just getting accustomed to our new emotions was enough to chew on for a while.
    Since engagement is a time to diligently address expectations and intimate information, it is VERY WISE to go through a several-week pre-marital counseling regime with your pastor.  Remember, you are not husband and wife.  Engagement is not the end all of a courtship.  There is still the chance that you will not get married.  Don't completely give yourself away (I'm not even talking about a physical relationship, although it's true for that as well).

    When you and your friend are writing up your guidelines, write up your phases as well.  Keep them right along side your guidelines.  The Four Phases are your milestone markers.  They define the depth of your relationship.  You are more than welcome to use ours or tailor them to your individual needs.

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